Things I've learned from marriage

This year my hubby and I will be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary. Our marriage has in no way been a perfect one, but it has been a mostly happy one. We have had our ups and downs and will continue to do so in the years to follow I'm sure. The following is some of the things I've learned in my 10 years with him

                                        Hubby and I in 2004 with baby Bubba.


Patients really is a virtue

When dealing with men, whether in my job or my home life, I have learned to be patient.They just don't do things as fast as women do. They take time and think it over, they act slowly. and multitasking is a foreign language to them.  So the next time you ask your husband to take out the garbage or fix the leaky faucet and a week later they are still there or not fixed, it could be because he is contemplating the best course of action.Give him a gentle reminder and wait. If next week it's still not done, it might be time to call the plumber and heft the garbage out on your own.

Communication is vital

My parents were married for 27 years. On that 27th year my father announced he wanted a divorce, he'd had enough and he was done. I wasn't shocked by this, I was more shocked it hadn't happened sooner. You see the one thing I never saw my parents do was communicate. As a child, I saw them fight and yell and argue, but I never saw them communicate with each other. If my dad did something that upset my mom she would storm off and sulk in her room. She never told him how she felt. How his actions hurt her or his words cut her. She would just disappear and not communicate. I've learned If you don't tell your partner how they make you feel, then they never get the opportunity to learn from their actions and make it right. If you are the type of person who shuts down, maybe writing a letter to them is a better approach for you. Face to face confrontation can be hard, and isn't for every one.Communicate with your partner the best way you can. shutting down shuts them out and that's just not fare to anyone involved.

Never stop being friends

Most relationships and marriages start with friendships. You have to like who you are with. It's just that simple. When you start to forget why you are with your partner, remember why you became friends with them in the first place. Were they funny, nice or smart? Was it their kindness that attracted you to them? whatever it was keep it in mind. You'll start to see those traits in your partner again

 Date nights are vital

 When you are an adult your life is super busy, add in kids and a job and it could seem like every second of your day is full. It's important to take time for each other away from the kids, and work and home. Go out to dinner, or see a movie, or even just go for a long walk together. Time alone with the one you love is vital to any relationship. It gives you time to reconnect and communicate. Some people like to schedule date nights once a month, but for some it's not financially doable. My husband and I get a date night about once every three months, less if we are lucky. it's time we treasure together, and that's what is important. We don't talk about the kids, or the bills, or our stresses. we just talk.Last year when we were living with the hubby's parents we would sneak out just to go to the store together.

 Life is not a fairytale

 All little girls grow up believing they are princesses, and one day they will find their price charming. I'm sorry to tell you, he does not exist. Once women give up the notion that he's out there somewhere just waiting the better relationships they will have. Your husband is not a price, he's not there to protect you from dragons and trolls. He's your partner, he's your other half. Life is hard and it never works out the way we think it will. holding onto unrealistic expectations of how life should be will do nothing but lead to disappointments. take each day as it comes, and when trouble arises, face it head on, don't wait for your knight in shining armor to rescue you.also if you are single, give up the notion that Mr. Perfect is out there.He's not.

It's  important to let things go

The most important thing I have learned in my marriage is to let things go. holding onto the small stuff in life leads to undue stress and resentment. People make mistakes, forgiveness is necessary for love to grow. Give up old grudges and forgive mistakes. we are all human and no one is perfect.

It's a constant work in progress 

The people my husband and I were when we got married are not the people we are today. We both have gotten older and  sure hope wiser. Time changes you, it can make you wiser or it can brake you and make you skeptical. Relationships need to be nurtured and cared for to grow and develop. Just like our children we love and care for each day, so do we need to love and care for our relationships too.

You have to remember who you were as a couple before you got married.  

Recently my kids spent a long weekend at the beach with their grandparent. Even though both my hubby and I had to work, we snuck in a movie date and a late dinner together. The next day we got to sleep in and snuggle up together before starting our days. One of the days I didn't work, but he did. I spent the whole day cleaning the house and doing the things I can't usually get done with kid's around. I was in such a good mood I made a lovely dinner for us and when he got home I met him at the door with a nice cold beer. to my shock and surprise he had a beautiful bouquet of pink roses for me.These simple gestures really touched both of us. It felt like we were dating again. The things you do for your significant other when you were dating showed them how much you cared. It's important to not forget those things, or those feelings.

 If you stop fighting with your partner, the marriage is over  

This is probably my most important marriage rule. When you no longer care enough to fight with your partner, you no longer care enough to fight for your partner. I've seen friends who have gone through divorces just give up.When one or the other partner gives up the love is gone, the fight is gone and then everything is gone. I live with his rule. I've seen it destroy marriages. I've also seen it save marriages. When you fight, truths are revealed. Passion usually sparks honestly. The things about your partner that have bugged you or the hurt feelings you have been hiding all come to the surface. This is the time to listen to your partner, listen to what they are saying, take it to heart and take action to fix it. Apologize and move on together.



Do have a lesson you've learned from marriage ? share it with us in the comments below.