A letter to my 18 year old self.

 

Dear 18 year old me,

      As I sit here thinking about what I would tell my 18 year old self, all I can think about is all the people who were in my life at 18. The ones who still are, and the ones I lost; lost through time and distance, and sadly through death. Yes, you will lose a friend. A very smart and loving friend. One who will forever be missed, and who's death impacts your life more than you will ever know.

     Right now you are focusing on Senior year; on cheerleading, on boys and on graduating. Your weeks are filled with school and practice and on the weekends work at the grocery store.

     You're too young to really have any major worries, but they all feel major. You write in your journal about your days. You write about love and loss of love. You write about your fears, and wonder if you will ever find someone to love you. Be patient, he is waiting for you. and you will find him. When you do, you won't realize it right away. You will stumble and fall and he will be there to pick you up again. He makes you happy. and he's a better friend to you than any you have ever had.

     This year will be hard for you. There are a lot of stresses coming your way, some you handle well, others you don't. You will make some mistakes along the way, ones you need to make to learn from. One I'm not so proud of. You almost end it all. You don't know it now and you won't till you are 29, but you are sick. You have a hormone imbalance due to your thyroid malfunctioning. This spring you will go to the doctor and tell her how tired you are, and she will give you anti-depressants. They make you think about suicide. You think about it and when the stress in your life becomes too much, you take action. You fail. It's the best failure you will ever make.

    Right now, being popular is all anyone wants, it's the focus in the land of high school, it's the thing most people will strive to obtain. You don't know it, but you are already. The friends you have will be lifelong. They will be there for you in times of need and times of joy. Two in particular will be with you forever. You might not always be in close contact and distance will separate you, but you will always find your ways back to them and them to you. These are the friends to hold on to. They will mean everything to you one day. All the pettiness of teenage life will be nothing compared to what you will go through with these two, and you all will come out stronger than when you went in.

      I know right now you worry about your future. You worry you won't find love, and that things won't work out for you. I need to tell you to be patient. life is good, but it's slow. it doesn't show all it's cards at once. All the plans and dreams you have for your life are just that, plans and dreams. Plans are made to be broken and dreams can change. Nothing is set in stone. You are stronger than you think. Give yourself more credit than you do. Relax a little and trust more in fate, it will all work out in the end.

Love,

Your 30 year old self. 

 

 

What would you tell your 18 year old self?  leave me a comment below.