I joined a gym

Tonight I joined a gym......again. 
I know, I know I know it was long over due. The only downside to this gym is it's a bit of a drive from my house. My last gym was 2 minutes away. This one is 20. But, seriously everything else about this place ROCKS. They have all the equipment I like and the cherry on top is they have a massage table. It's automatic and wonderful. You just lay there and it's a massage bed. they have tanning beds too and this stand up fat blaster thing, I'll figure out what that thing is like another day. But I'm proud to say my first day back in the gym was fabulous !!! I worked hard and long and I feel great for it. I'll hurt for sure tomorrow, but it will be a good well earned hurt.

My Best Birthday Ever

This weekend, was my 30th Birthday. I have not had a lot of luck in the party department growing up. Being a spring break baby usually means friends are out of town so, no party. This year my wonderful husband changed that for me. He surprised me with a fabulous surprise party. He and my best friend took me to dinner. Then on the premise that we had to meet a friend of his who had a train set for Bubba, we went to a bar that his friend was the bartender at a couple years back. Before we made it to the bar we stopped at Safeway. Hubby said he wanted to buy some gum. We pulled in and parked. I looked up from my phone and in the car we were parked in front of sat one of  my best friends. I tried to pretend I didn't see her. But, I think hubby knew I had. He got back in the car and pulled out as quickly as he could. It was too funny. When we made it to the bar  the people I love were sitting there. I almost cried. knowing in the final minutes before we got there that they were going to be there and then actually seeing them was so wonderful.
We spent the night drinking and talking. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

One of the "goods" in Autism

When my son was diagnosed with autism, I felt like my life as a mom was over. Here this beautiful little boy's future was being ripped away from him before he was even able to grasp it in his little chubby fists. As the years have gone by I have seen a better, clearer side to things. Yes, autism is hard. But, I'm also now able to see the good in autism. One of the good things about autism is the things we miss out on.

Bubba didn't go through some of the typical childhood phases. He never had the "why" phase. Thank God for that one. I hated it when we went through it with Roo, and it has yet to end.


He did however go through the " I have a penis, therefor I must grab a hold of it and never let go " phase. I blame husband for this one. Simply because he is male, and that seems fitting.

One time I took Bubba to the grocery store with me. It's the store both my husband and I work at, so we know just about everyone in there on any given day. This particular day I was talking to a coworker friend of mine and Bubba was in the cart behind me. My friend looked shocked and pointed to the cart behind me. When I looked I wanted to die; Both from laughter and embarrassment. Bubba was standing in the cart with his pants down and grabbing himself. Thankfully he was only 2 years old, so most people who saw chalked it up to him being a baby and a boy.

We have not had the "superhero" phase. This is a phase that as a girl I'm glad we skipped. I don't like super heroes. I'm a girl. I played with dolls and ponies, and occasionally army men (when my big brother made me). I just don't get superheroes. plus there are just too many of them. So thanks Bubba. Momma is happy you are stuck on trains.

And that brings us to a phase we have had and are still stuck on. TRAINS.
most little boys enjoy trains to some extent and for some length of time. For us it seems trains is the only phase we have never phased out of. Bubba has every single episode of Thomas The Tank Engine stored in his amazing brain, ready to pull out word for word at any given time. As a result, momma now has every episode of Thomas stuck in her brain, ramming against the parts that help me fall asleep.

The newest "phase" we have so amazingly discovered in our house is the one that just might send this momma to the nut house. I like to call it "The I'm an oppositional child who is trying to make my mom go nuts" phase. This is where every time I tell him to not do something, he yells the exact opposite. I told him to "stop jumping on his bed" the other day and the response I got was "Start jumping on the bed"!!!
This is not reserved just for me however. I'm proud to say he has whipped this little gem of annoyance out for daddy too. So, YAY !!

Oh and don't get me started on the phase we had last year. That one I'm sure is the reason his poor teacher ran for the safety net that is General Ed. He went through a stripping phase. Immediately joined by  cussing a blue streak phase.That was a fun one. I can't say he didn't learn his language from me, though. Woops. I was however proud when I came to school and the teacher told me he told her to F- it, when he was frustrated beyond reasoning. Is it wrong that I was proud of him for using it correctly? I didn't think so.

So yes, autism is hard, but within the hair pulling and ear piercing screams is a joy, and I'm proud to say, I see it now. 

Things I've never done...But wish I had.

We all have things in life we would like to do. Places to go or things to experience. I'm no different. I've seen a few NW states but that is about it. I've never been anywhere warm, or tropical. I've only ever flown on a plane once. Well twice, there and then back. There are a lot of things I thought I would have done by the time I was 30. Some were plans I had for myself, others are things I figured I'd do as I got older. All of the following are things I've never done, but wish I had. 

• Gone to a Luau in Hawaii 
• Ran a marathon 
• Learned to play a musical instrument.
• Bought a house
• Finished college 
• Learned to ballroom dance 
• Owned my own car (my husband is on the title of mine, not me)
• Gone surfing
• Gone whale watching 
• Seen a Broadway play
• Gone rock climbing 
• Swam with dolphins 
• Watched an opera 
• Traveled to Europe 
• Gone bungee jumping 
• Gone white water rafting 
• Visited New York 
• Gone snorkeling 
• Been kissed in the rain 
• Gone skydiving 
• Celebrated mardi gras in New Orleans
• Gone to a pro sports game
• Gone on a cruise 
• Owned my own dog 
• Gone to Las Vegas 
• Taken a ride in a hot air balloon
• Gone to Disneyland 
• Been to anywhere in California
• Been a bridesmaid 
• Gone on a long distance road trip with a friend
• Lived in another state 
• Seen the east coast 
• Had a bonfire on the beach 
• Counted the stars with the love of my life 
• Ride a train 
• Stay at a 5-star hotel 
• Be completely out of debt 

What is it that you have never done, but wished you had. Add yours to the comments below. 

My friend, the angel.

      In High school I had this friend unlike any other friend. Her name was Katie. She was loud, and goofy and could make anyone smile just by being near. She was a Cheerleader, so of course she was full of energy. But, she was also so full of life. It seemed like nothing ever bothered her. For her, life was always great. She would make up silly words and phrases, just because. She was a friend to EVERYONE, and I do mean everyone. She was just this big ball of happiness and sunshine. 

 I have so many memories of  time spent with her. Like the time when we were at her house making posters for homecoming and one of her kittens ran away. She lived in the country like me, so that cat could have run off to anywhere. She was not going to give up though. We looked for that thing for hours. We got chased by the neighbors dog and walked miles calling for that silly cat. We never did find him.

We took tumbling classes together for cheer leading and we usually drove to class together. Being older, I was the one with the car and She was the only one on the squad who liked the same music as me. It just made sense for us to ride together. We would drive the couple of miles to the gym together singing every song that came on the radio at the top of our lungs. We teased each other when we got the words wrong. One song in particular will always stick with me. There is a line in one Nickelback song that says "Living with me must have damn near killed you." She liked to sing it " Little woman must have damn near killed you" I would laugh so hard every time she sang it that way. I still smile and laugh every time I hear that part of the song come on. 

In 2004, almost  two years after I graduated, I was living in a town, away from were we grew up. I hadn't spoken to Katie in a while and honestly hadn't thought much about her. But, then I got a call that changed everything. Katie had died. The night of March 7, 2004, Katie had gone for  a ride on the back of a friends motorcycle. I'm not sure on exact details. All I know for certain is that there was a crash and Katie died. This silly, sunny person was gone. 

She was taken way too young; Just 18. She had her whole life ahead of her.She was supposed to graduate in less than 3 months. She was going to go to college. She loved fashion designing and had been drawing clothes for what seemed like ever. Her older sister had been one of my Cheer coaches and I dearly loved them both. Katie, since she was younger was my cheer sister. She was the little sister I looked out for and taught all I knew about cheerleading. She was a wonderful friend. 

I'm sure If she was still alive she would be in New York or LA designing clothes and becoming famous. I'd like to think we would have kept in touch through Facebook, as I do with her sister, but probably not. We would have drifted away and lived the lives we were meant to live. But, Katie's life was cut short. Her spirit touched so many people in the short 18 years she was alive. Today marks 10 years since she left us. I like to think she is looking down and smiling at all of us, proud of what our lives have become. I like to imagine she is goofing off and making funny jokes still. Being the clown she always was. 

Today when I went to the cemetery to bring her flowers, as I do every year. I was standing in front of her headstone, looking at her picture, seeing her bright smile and long brown hair.  I felt warm and looked up to see the sun shining through the trees. Spears of sunshine poked through the trees like fingers. Fingers reaching out to touch a loved one. It was like she was right there with me. showing me just how much she is still present. For me, and I know many others, she will never be gone.

If you knew Katie and have a memory of her, or something you would like to share about her please feel free to leave comments below. Lets keep her memory alive for all to enjoy.

A little about my weight gain and the start of my weight loss journey.

When I was in high school I was a cheerleader. I was fit, healthy and active. I worked out 5 days a week. On the weekends I worked a job that kept me on my feet for 8 hours a day. I wasn't intentionally working out, but I was. I was a very healthy 135 pounds. 

Then I graduated and moved out of my parents house. I started to have to fend for myself, buying my own food was so much more expensive then I thought. I started to do what I think all young adults on their own do, I bought crappier food because it was cheaper. I ate out more and was no longer working out. I started gaining weight and fast. changing my birth control didn't help much either, I gained 30 pounds in 3 months because of my birth control.

Then I found myself married, with a baby on the way. Pregnancy made me eat all the time. The first trimester all I did was puke. Once the morning sickness ended I ate all the time. My third trimester I was placed on bed rest. I was home alone all day long with nothing to do but eat and watch TV. I was on strict orders from the doctor to not do anything more strenuous than take a shower and go pee. 

After my son was born I was about 200 pounds. My life was changing, but my weight was not. I simply did not focus on myself and the weight loss. My husband never said a word about the weight. He's not the type to anyway. He loves me unconditionally. So weight loss was not a main focus for me; but it should have been.  Before I knew it, I was pregnant again. Weight gain was a concern for me, but my doctor was not concerned by it; so I didn't pay much attention to it either. After my daughter was born I was about 235 pounds. 100 pounds heavier than I was 6 years earlier. 

It was time to do something about it. But, I simply didn't know what to do. Like most people I would try whatever fad diet was out there. I spent money on diet pills and hoped they would all work. None did. Soon I found myself discouraged and really overweight. I needed to do something about it. 

A friend sent me an invite to join a weight loss group she went to. I jumped at the chance to do something different than I had before. I started going to these group meetings. I learned a lot about nutrition and exercise from this group. During the 9 months I attended these meetings I lost 35 pounds and many inches. 

Then things changed. I started to feel bad and my energy level dropped drastically. I had a lot of other problems too. I got sent to an endocrinologist and was diagnosed with hashimotos disease. A hypothyroid condition. My doctor told me I couldn't lose the weight on my own because my thyroid was not functioning. My 4 days a week 2 hour gym sessions were all for nothing. Which is why I had stopped. After 9 months of giving 100% and seeing little progress I got discouraged. 

My doctor upped my thyroid meds and gave me a new medicine to help with the weight loss. I started it at the end of October and now it's March. I've lost 25 pounds and it's still coming off. I haven't been working out like I used to, but I want to. I'm working more and not finding a lot of time to exercise. The weather is getting better and I'm going to start getting out and walking more. I'm on a good path now. I've gone gluten free. I'm eating better. I'm feeling better and that's what is important. I have a long road ahead of me, but I have goals and a plan. I have my doctors help and I finally feel like I will succeed.